This week I got my green card! It’s difficult to express just how much of a relief this is.
My wife and I first decided to file for my immigration into the United States back in July 2014. It’s taken 20 months for the entire process to reach completion. I can tell you it was worth it.
I was speaking to someone in a bar on the day I got my green card, whose boyfriend was also a green card holder. She congratulated me, and said that green cards are hard to get. This got me thinking, they both are and they aren’t. There’s a lot of frustration, and they take time, true, but looking back it wasn’t as bad as some of the horror stories I heard online.
I worry I might be speaking from a privileged position. Not all green cards are given as a result of marriage, and not everyone is emigrating from a place as closely allied and culturally similar to the US as the UK. Then again, my experience is the only one I have, and I did go through a lot to get here.
There were ups and downs. I’m certainly not sad it’s over; however, looking back, there were also profound things I went through, and it was a time in my life where I developed hugely as a person.
So, here are the 3 best and 3 worst things about the drawn out immigration process:
3
Best: Realizing You Really Should Be With Your Partner
If there’s one thing a forced separation does to you, it’s appreciate what you have, even when you kind of technically don’t have it.
My wife and I had already lived together for more than a year before we decided to marry; so we were confident that we were doing the right thing. Then again, I’m sure that all couples have doubts before marrying. Having to spend 11 months waiting to be reunited dispelled those thoughts entirely from my mind.
By the time we were marrying, I literally had no doubts that I was with the right person. In fact, I would say that any couple thinking about marrying should spend some time apart from one another, to see how they feel about each other. 11 months is extreme, but 3 months I think would be a fair test, that wouldn’t drive too many people crazy.
Worst: Takes So Long
As I just wrote, 11 months is extreme. What was worse was that there was very little indication along the way of when I would be able to get over, or if it would all be ok in the end.
We were clinging onto scraps of information. At first, we thought it would all be processed in 3 months. How wrong we were. As I understand it, processing times vary hugely, and no one quite seems to know what exactly factors in to speeding up an application, so it can be incredibly disheartening. I know that there was a time, after we had been apart longer than we thought we would, when it didn’t feel as if we would ever be back together.
The time when we were counting the days until my wife had to leave Britain was its own kind of terrible. We were still able to be in each other’s presence, but the dread of knowing that she would soon be going was awful.
Comparatively, these last 6 months, when I’ve been in America, but waiting to get my green card, have been much happier, but still fraught, and the last lingering worry about whether I would get the green card was ever present.
2
Best: Connecting With Family
I feel closer to my family than ever, which is ironic as they’ve never been further.
The reason for this is the time I spent with them while my wife and I were apart. For the first time since I left home, I was visiting them as much as two or three times a month; spending entire weekends together.
My relationship with my family had been difficult growing up; we argued a lot. This last year was very different, and I really enjoyed my time with them. This was especially true when I started to get good immigration news. There was something about the inevitability of leaving that meant we all got along perfectly.
Worst: The Struggle for a Home
This is one of the few major detractors to the immigration process after I got in to America, but it’s a big one. This is in some ways a geographical thing, as New York is notoriously hard to move into, but my status as a recent immigrant certainly worked against me.
The big thing was my complete lack of American credit. I had no American employment history, no social security, no American landlord references, nothing. My UK equivalents were useless, it transpired. All this was poison to my prospects.
I had spent a year saving up, so hoped that spending a bit more upfront might cover it, but it was not to be. Most landlords demanded a full year’s worth of rent up front on a property. Even worse, before that, to even be considered you have to spend $100 per person for background checks, which were obviously futile in my case as I had no American background to check.
After sofa surfing for a while, my wife’s aunt and uncle let us stay in their house in New Jersey, which was very kind of them. Although, my wife’s work commute into the city took at least 2 hours.
Eventually, via some sort of miracle, a small apartment in Brooklyn, with great subway links, accepted us, thanks in most part to my wife’s excellent credit. The relief. Our apartment, even for New York standards, is small, but I don’t mind. I’m incredibly grateful.
1
Best: Being Reunited
Call me obvious, but nothing quite beats being returned to your loved one.
The last six months, since being reunited, are crazy. In one way they have flown by, in another it’s taken so long to get everything together.
I just remember that first full day my wife and I had together since being forced apart. It was a Sunday, so it didn’t make sense to start house hunting, or do anything like that. We just went out and enjoyed the city together. It was easily one of the best days of my life; an oasis of peace around all the difficulties.
Now that I have my green card, unless something unexpected comes up, I can look forward to having more worry free days.
Worst: The Paperwork Mountain
One of my favorite books is Catch 22. However, if I ever reread it, I think I would feel envious of what the soldiers in that book have to go through.
I can’t begin to list all of the forms I’ve had to fill over the last 20 months. And my god aren’t they all so complex? I don’t know how much time I’ve spent pondering over how to answer each vague question. Worse is the up to 8 month long worry that the last form you sent off omitted some important information, meaning that you would have to start over the whole process again.
Being British, I already knew lots about filling in forms, and battling through bureaucracy, but this was something else. The forms were for a similar but different nation so there were unfamiliar terms, and things that I just had to answer as best I could.
Now that the paperwork is done and dusted, I can relax, and I feel a very particular pride in knowing that we got through it all without using a lawyer. That isn’t to say we didn’t have any help; in particular I owe my incredible mother in law lots for her assistance and for what she’s provided.
Tomorrow, is six months exactly since I first arrived; for the first time in I don’t know how long I have the reassurance of knowing there won’t be any more difficulties. It feels surreal.